And That’s When People Get Hurt

In response to the extremely rare case 

where an officer is actually convicted of murder 

for the killing of an unarmed black man, 

defense attorney, Mark Collins, balked at the ruling, stating

 "An officer in a close call situation, 

they won't rely on their training and experience, 

They'll pause, and that's when people get hurt." 

“And that’s when people get hurt”

Like he didn’t realize his client 

was just convicted of murder

or maybe like Andre Hill wasn’t a person 

or maybe like his death wasn’t harm 

This line of defense continues

continues to echo endlessly

from the Fraternal Order of Police

So moving forward, to help the police 

better communicate their intentions to the public, 

I offer 10 improved mottos to paint on the side of their cars:

 1. The quick fix 

“To serve and protect ourselves”

 (no need to paint over anything, just add one word) 

 2. the Paper work’s a bitch option 

“Shoot first and file reports later”

 3. One for the kids 

“knock knock 

Who’s there? 

Bang bang” 

 4. A nod to Britney Spears

 (to keep the millennials happy) 

“Oops, I forgot to turn on my bodycam again”

 5. Bringing a little hip hop flair 

“NWA tried to tell you 36 years ago”

 6. The extra words are an upcharge option 

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a phone, keys, 

or a bowl of ice cream, 

if there’s something in your hand 

and you’re black,

we’ve already fired”

7. Fun with acronyms 

“De-escalation?? LOL!!” 

 8. The fine print 

“We are trained to kill you” 

 9. The hashtag 

“#Not all cops (just the whole fucking system)”

 10. Honest 

“As long as we can breathe”

Written November 6, 2024